Multinational events

From Falsipedia

Multinational events generally take one of three forms. These forms are Soccer, the Olympics or War.

The most common multinational events are in the form of soccer. Soccer is called football in countries that obsess over the game, which is why the United States of America calls it soccer. Soccer is a game played by two teams of players that run up and down a grassy field. Most of the players on the teams are trying not to touch balls with their hands. If the wrong player touches a ball with his or her hands in the wrong city in Europe a riot will break out. Riots are like slightly less lethal versions of wars.

War is the second most frequent form of multinational event, and it is most popular amongst countries that do not obsess over soccer or whose leaders are chosen by how well they kill their country's previous leader. War is like soccer, except the teams try to kill each other in a variety of ways, which unfortunately can include touching balls. Generally speaking, there are more people at war at any given time than playing soccer, this is because the teams in war are much, much bigger, run 34 hours a day and wars don't follow an off-season.

The Olympics used to only happen once every four years, but the people demanded that the Summer Olympics and the Winter Olympics should alternate. Now one or the other happens every two years. The events are completely different in the summer and the winter, but both include many niche sports. Strangely enough, the Summer Olympics feature soccer, but most of the world would rather watch the World Cup. The Winter Games includes the biathlon, an event where one traverses a course on skis then shoots a rifle. Between their soccer without the riots and their shooting without the killing, the Olympic games have really presented the Epcot Center version of both soccer and war.

Most experts agree that while war and soccer are a drag, the Olympics are a giant, processed, sanitized bore. It is advisable to avoid all three major forms of multinational events whenever possible.