Dollar
From Falsipedia
The dollar (often represented by the [[|Dollar Sign|dollar sign]]: "$" or the sign of the snake) is the name of the official currency in several countries, dependencies and other regions.
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History
The name dollar comes from the Hittite word Dole, meaning to give out in small portions. The use of the word as it pertains to currency started around 1500 BC, when Hittite ruler Supiluliumash was confronted with a problem: his people were having trouble with the process of trading goods and services. People at that time lived solely by the barter system. All day long, Supiluliumash was bombarded with pleas for relief from exhausted farmers who had to carry livestock and produce into the town every time they needed tools or cloth or fisherman who had to tote barrels of fish into a shop just to trade for new nets. The process was indeed frustrating, especially during times of surplus when people had too much of any one item and would refuse to trade for that item. Thus the heavy burden rested on Supiliumash's shoulders, what could he do to right the Hittite economy? He sent word far and wide across his kingdom for aid from the wisest men of his kingdom, in hopes of finding a solution to his economic crisis. Just when he was ready to flee his kingdom and start a new life, an old hermit by the name of Shermadi the Miser came up with the king's solution. He suggested that the king decide what the most precious thing was in all the world and then the kingdom would dole out small bits of it to the people, these bits could then be exchanged for goods and services. King Supiluliumash finally decided that gold was the most precious of the items in his land. The use of gold as currency became the basis of the gold standard. The individual who was put in charge of the gold distribution was officially called the be'ankhir. The commoners, not sure how to pronounce the official title, came up with a different name. Since his job consisted of doling out the gold, he became known as the doler, which later turned into dollar. Over time, the term dollar became attached to the item that was being exchanged and, after an extensive pronunciation education campaign, banker was used for the person who gave out the dollar.
The practice of using other metals and even paper as a representation of gold started shortly after the invention of the gold standard. Kings started to realize that they were giving away to much of their own stocks of gold, they had to come up with other materials to represent gold. They decided that certain other metals, such as silver, copper, bronze and nickel, could be used as fractional values of gold. The fraction they represented depended on how rare the metal was. Thus silver, being more rare, was a higher value than copper, bronze and nickel.
Paper became the new fad when an Egyptian by the name of Papyrus Tut invented a process in which striped and mashed banana leaves where turned into a paste and then dried into sheets making the first paper. Paper became more readily available and was easier to make, as opposed to mining and minting metal coins. It wasn't until much later that rulers of all the kingdoms of the world would figure out that they wouldn't have to pay out as much to get more paper money, this revolution became known as the paper bill era.
The use of the dollar in the United States started after the American Revolution, when the founding fathers of a newly birthed country suddenly realized that they had no monetary system of which to speak. They set out to design a superior system and after many predecessors like the tree bark tippet, and clam shell ten penny, the United States dollar was born. They decided to add a large array of symbols and hidden messages within the currency in hopes to spur future Americans into wild conspiracy stories and black cloak rumors.
The might of the U.S. dollar has grown steadily since its conception and as the U.S. flexed its might in the world the dollar grew in wealth. With this increase in wealth, the dollar gained many new nicknames, such as , being known as the greenback, moolah and the buck. It wasn't until the time period known as the Great Depression that the United States dollar dropped in value, eventually it did reclaim a dominant world stance, once again being coveted by oil sheiks and rappers alike.
The one dollar bill has found an increased popularity in gentleman's clubs recently. It appears that many generous citizens donate, one dollar bills and sometimes twenty dollar denominations to an ever growing needy population of women without clothes. These strippers as they are called, feel the need to repay such kindness with a traditional ethnic dance.
The U.S dollar once based off of the gold and silver standards, where the dollar was a symbol of how much silver or gold you could get upon redemption of your paper dollar, is now based around a fiat system. In the fiat system the paper dollar is based off of faith. This so called faith is based on the concept that the government is going to payout on what the citizens believe the dollar is worth. Which is ironic, considering that when people are facing hard impoverish times they turn to prayer in hopes to get money that will relieve their debt. In turn the government is praying that whoever holds the countries national debt doesn't come looking to collect.
The "Spanish dollar", or peso carries the value of a single ply of toilet paper due to its poor showing in the world market. This is why many people from Spanish speaking countries in the Americas have fled their homelands, risking persecution and racism, in search of the U.S. Dollar. If trends continue, it appears that soon they will be fleeing the United States in pursuit of the Eurodollar.
The Eurodollar is the official currency for the many European countries that make up the European Union. At this date the Eurodollar is believed to be based off of a concept developed by Euro-Disney, and further fine polished at Epcot Center, in which you could buy anything at any of Epcot's mini countries with the same form of money, the Disney Dollar. A few E.U. members who were brave enough to actually go to Euro-Disney observed this monetary interaction and decided that this same principle could work for all of the separate countries of the European Union. As of yet, some countries that don't believe in the Disney monetary system have refused to join in the use of the Eurodollar, and they know who they are!
Disney is a registered trademark of Disney Enterprises, Inc. world wide. All things Disney or Disney related are owned and likely trademarked or copyrighted by the same holding group. Any recreation or distribution of things Disney may or may not result in your disappearance or even death
Other Interesting things about dollars and money
- Money in fact, can and does grow on trees although the process of how it is harvested is kept secret for the protection of the trees.
- Money can burn a hole in your pocket since it is known to spontaneously combust, which is why you often can't remember spending it.
- Money can't buy you love, but for some people it is the primary factor in choosing a spouse.
- Money is the root of all evil, although to be fair it is really like the square root of all evil and that isn't really even all that evil.
- Some people in fact can be made of money, although the chemicals in the ink used to print them often kills them.
- The exchange of money can get you many things, and if you like things and they make you happy, then I would guess that money indeed can buy you happiness.
- Dollars and Doll Hairs may sound alike and may even be used to confuse children in bets, but over use of this may get you beaten.
- Another day another dollar is not a good justification to get up and go to work.
National currencies called "dollar"
Some of these are called dollars in English, but by a different name in the native language of it's country, since it may surprise some of the citizens of the U.S.A that not everyone speaks English, even though they wish they would.
The name has also been applied to the international dollar, a magical unit of currency that has been rumored to have the same purchasing power that the U.S. dollar has in the United States at any given point in time, which at this time will cost you roughly an arm and possibly both legs.
Related names in modern currencies
- The tala is based on the Samoan pronunciation of the word "dollar". Likewise, the name of the smaller unit, seneiti, equates to "cent".
- The Slovenian tolar had the same origin as dollar, i.e. doler.
See also
- Disney Dollar™
- Eurodollar
- Denarius - Roman Empire currency
- Dollar sign
